she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
