I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
