How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Randomize
