So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
