Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
