I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
