i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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