i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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