You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
