I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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