I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize