he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
should my penis look like a turkey
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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