i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
