Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
