I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
