I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
