So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
