Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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