He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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