The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
