She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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