and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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