how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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