If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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