It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
