Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
