Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize