i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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