I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
