my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
