I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
