i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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