Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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