we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
