And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
