who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
