Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he shaved USA in his pubs
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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