The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
