Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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