i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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