I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
