It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
