I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
