girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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