the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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