Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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