She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize