There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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