your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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