Farmville is her only friend.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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