I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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