I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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