Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
