jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
