I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
