was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
