I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
