Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
