if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think your dad took our porno
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
