I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
