i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
