You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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