you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
