I met the friendliest cop last night
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
