i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
