Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
