Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
