Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
