i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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