Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
