Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
