Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
