my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
