I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
