i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
