none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
