so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
